January 16: Mmmmmm! Kisses. Lots and lots of kisses.

We were at a photo shoot for a local magazine (Family Pulse) hat wants to put Jason and I on the cover and then Jason, Joe and I on the interior. I suggested the playground because that was where Jason and I had our first kiss and it might be more fun than just two lovers sitting on a park bench looking into one another;s eyes.

Now, Jason and I have been married going on 24 years, and we’re both pretty happy about being together. We’ve even be friends for more than 3 decades.

We’re a happy couple, but there’s not a lot of kissing in our everyday life. Lots of other stuff, but not random kissing. So when the photographer had me hanging upside down on the  monkey bars and kissing my husband, it was fun. At first I worried my belly tattoo was showing (it was). Or my face was turning red (it was) or my hair was funky (it was).  But after a few seconds I was able to let it all go and just enjoy aiming for his lips. The simple act of kissing reminded me how much I like kissing him. Hell, it reminded me how much I like him. So we took many more shots than we needed, and I thoroughly enjoyed kissing this man I’ve known for most of my life.

That was a pretty nice day.

January 15: Since I actually left my house today I had several opportunities for niceness. So I donated a couple of bucks on top of my grocery bill to help feed others. I gave up the close parking spot and took the farther one. I let a car out in front of me even though I was in a hurry. And I let two cousins spend the night even though I had only planned for one and didn’t really feel up to any. Lots of little things that simply made it easier to breathe today.

January 14: I spent a lot of time today trying to fix one little glitch in an e-book I’m uploading for a friend. It’s not anything anyone will notice. I’m not being paid. It’s not anything the friend asked me to  fix. But I really love his writing and am proud to be part of getting it in front of people. So I spent hours trying to fix the little glitch. I’m still not sure it’s fixed. I’ll be back at it tomorrow. I want the formatting to be as perfect as the writing.

January 13: You know what? Sometimes people do the best they can, and they still get kicked in the teeth. They try really hard to do the right thing. They make plans based on realistic expectations. They are responsible. Sometimes it is their kindness to others that gets them in trouble. Rather than hoard their money, they give some away. Rather than judge others and establish clear enemies, they are open and deal with the imperfections of their friends. They get stressed,  more stressed than someone irresponsible, someone who just expects everything to be OK, more stressed than the person to whom enemies are well-defined.

Faced with more adversity than they deserve, they show grace and patience and kindness. Me? I listen to them — even when I really want to go crash on the couch in a nice Nyquil cloud. It’s the kind of thing that can sometimes feel like a conscious act of niceness. At first. Look at me taking time from my whining to listen to someone with some real problems. But within minutes, I recognize how goodness works.

Goodness isn’t consciously trying to do something nice each day. It’s doing something nice without thinking about it. It’s being nice to someone who is being mean to you. It’s being honest when it might be more expedient to lie. It’s not falling into the cynicism that says you might as well quit trying to do the right thing because it just doesn’t pay and you think it’s time you got paid, goddammit! And these people — these people who are nice because it’s who they are — they blast away my cynicism and give me something to aspire to.

Today I noticed that sort of niceness several times. It doesn’t make me nice that I noticed, but it did suit my goals of being less cynical.

January 12: I’m not feeling very nice today. In fact, I’m feeling really bitter and cynical to the bone. Maybe because I have a cold and am really quite the big baby when I don’t feel good. And right now, in particular, being a big baby for a stupid head colds feels selfish and really wrong. I have friends going through real health issues and real crises and less hope than they deserve. I have a country dealing with real health issues and real violence and looking for some real healing. And all I want to do is curl up and watch back episodes of Oprah and pretend none of that exists. The only real niceness I can report today was not curling up and watching Oprah. I kept my commitments (well, most. I rescheduled my day in Joe’s class to Friday), whined less than usual (which is still a lot) and … well, that was it.